MURDERDATE

[niceguyferatu]

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[niceguyferatu]

[ Vlad gasps awake with a wet rasp, his...diaphragm? Whatever the breathe-y tube in the neck is, still twisted in a way not meant for it to twist. The angle of his gaze relative to the rest of his body is also...very strange.

His neck is in unimaginable pain and he grimaces, trying to remember what caused this. Wasn't it his head that got hurt? His neck should be fine...

When he opens his eyes, he spots Fukuda in his chair and...does he have his hand bent out of sight?

When he speaks, his voice is hoarse. ]

Wh-what happened?

[brightred]

You tripped. [Says Grell, briefly pausing from kissing Fukuda to distract him from his missing hand to glance at Vlad. Sorry about the horny feelings from the serial killer corner.]

[holeful]

[His hand was maybe not in Vlad's line of sight from the floor, but now that Grell isn't distracting him, he's holding it up to look at it. Vlad should be healing up not so he expects his hand will be too but it's.... not? He is confused.

But wait. Vlad? Vlad's here. He glances over, then looks at Grell.]

Tripped...
[He's too distracted to cleanly follow up on her lie but maybe Vlad won't notice.]

[niceguyferatu]

[ He glares at Grell as he shakily forces himself to sit up, hissing painfully as he goes. He cradles his neck as best he can, because the only way it's going to set up properly is if he gets off the floor, but damn if it doesn't HURT. ]

I did not trip. I distinctly remember being hit before I fell, and one doesn't simply snap their neck from a simple fall like that.

[ Now that he's got a different viewpoint of Fukuda, sitting up as he is, he notices the hand...still isn't in sight. He squints a little to try to get a better view, but no matter how he tries, he just can't see it. ]

What happened to your hand?

[brightred]

You should have hit him harder. [That's to Fukuda. She's ignoring Vlad now.]

[holeful]

Well now he's going to know you lied about tripping...
[HE ALREADY??? DID??? Anyway if we're just being honest;]
I hit him as hard as I could, though.

[Looking over a Vlad. He is politer to him than Grell is.]
The floor ate it.

[niceguyferatu]

[ Well...Fukuda hitting him on the head would certainly make sense. But still-- ]

Why? And--did you snap my neck afterwards?!

...what does that even mean, the floor ate it?

[brightred]

Why wouldn't he snap your neck after? He needs the practice.

[holeful]

[FROWNING.]
... I want to go back to holes.

[Anyway;]
A beak like one of those furbys came out of the floor and ate my hand... And now it's not growing back.

[As Vlad's neck sorts itself the fuck out, Fukuda's bloody stump is just healing over instead of regrowing the hand. He is deeply unhappy and concerned about this.]

[niceguyferatu]

[ ...yeah, sure, why the fuck not. Floor furbies. Flurbies. And they eat your hands now! FINE.

I mean, not fine, but Vlad is less concerned about Fukuda's hand right now and more concerned about his death. ]

Why on Earth would you kill me?! I thought we were getting along just fine!

[brightred]

You're much more impressive with holes. [There, there, Fukuda. It's fine. We'll find someone for you to drill later.]

And really, Vlad, consider yourself lucky. It's not every day a famous serial killer takes the time to finish~ you~ off~

[holeful]

[Fukuda is confused for a moment until he realized Grell means him?? He doesn't think he's that famous. He wants to discuss more about his hand situation but it seems like we have to talk about Vlad first, so;]

I mean, it was your idea, Mr. Vlad? That's why we had to figure out how to do it quickly and painlessly.
[Will Vlad remember his murderdate advice.]

[niceguyferatu]

[ ....oh.

Oh.

He sees what this is now. Fukuda and Grell, teaming up for murders just like he suggested. Huh.

....but still-- ]

I didn't mean you should do it to me!

[brightred]

You need to be more explicit, sir. [Grell is mostly slightly amused at Vlad's complaining.]

If you don't want to be murdered, you shouldn't suggest a method of indiscriminate murder to someone~

[holeful]

Well, you said if it was quick and painless then no one could really be mad about it? So I don't know why you're mad....
[Frankly Vlad should have seen this coming.]

It was actually pretty hard trying to figure out how to do it like that, you know. Grell didn't even want to bother.
[Gesticulating vaguely with what is now definitely a completely healed over hand stump. Where's his fucking hand.]

[niceguyferatu]

I'm mad because I thought you were the only person in this godforsaken afterlife who wouldn't kill me!

[ fuck your hand stump, vlad is busy with THE BETRAYAL ]

[brightred]

Oh, the tragedy of betrayal! [Grell says, dramatically.

and then---]

Did that thing actually eat your hand?

[holeful]

I think so? It hasn't grown back. It healed over instead...
[Sorry Vlad your feelings of betrayal will have to wait because Fukuda is relieved we are finally talking about his missing fucking hand.

But also he is worried because. of his missing fucking hand.]

[niceguyferatu]

Yes, well, maybe the universe saw fit to finally punish someone for killing me!

[brightred]

Ah, perhaps I should test it out and see. [Grell says, and oh she's annoyed, and possessive over Fukuda, and it would probably be a good idea to stop her before she gets up out of Fukuda's lap.]

[holeful]

[Fukuda puts his one remaining hand on her thigh. He is very happy about her getting possessive over him, but please do not kill Vlad again.]

I'm sorry, Mr Vlad. I didn't think you'd be mad about it after what you said? I wasn't trying to hurt your feelings.
[And Vlad will feel that he genuinely means this.]

[niceguyferatu]

[ The sincerity means little to him, because Fukuda will get a dose of Vlad's own emotions over this--betrayal, and a sense of trust destroyed in the process. ]

Yes, well, you did a lot more than hurt my feelings, didn't you?

[ He cracks his neck with a grimace as it continues to heal up. ]

[brightred]

[... oh that hand to stop her is nice. There are some vague warm (and.... attracted) feelings towards Fukuda. Vlad can deal with his own drama Grell is being romanced.]

[holeful]

[Oh... Fukugrell romance feelings feedback loop. He squeezes her leg lightly. I cannot believe how smitten these serial killers are.]

I tried not to? But... maybe there's something I can do to make it up to you?

[niceguyferatu]

Hmm. Perhaps there is.

[ Some way for Fukuda to show him that he doesn't view Vlad as just another punching bag like everyone else here. He takes the opportunity to mull over what exactly that would be. Hmmm...

...Jesus Christ, these serial killers and their TENDER TOUCHING and their ROMANTIC FEELINGS that they're just radiating at him--

Ah. ]

...alright. I've decided on my terms.

I demand to participate in this little relationship you two have. And you will invite me on the next one of these...murder dates. Not to participate, just to spectate.